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So I guess:
Believe it or not, I actually hate this show. Like, with a passion. But having no life, I know more about certain things than I should. Blah.
I think have this inability to move forward.
I mean, I do it. Physically. I do what I have to…to advance.
I go places, I make moves. But it’s like going through the motions.
I do it because that’s just what you do in life.
But mentally, I’m stuck. My brain is constantly absorbed in better times.
In childhood fantasies and infatuations.
It’s like I can’t wrap my head around the fact that I will never be able to relive those moments. I get enraged that things changed at all. That life didn’t unfold the way I always thought it would have. Just the thought of coming to terms with that makes me lose my head. It makes me feel as if I should be committed. I always thought that’s how I’d end up anyhow.
Then I went up 4… Overnight, I went down 4 again. So, I’m still 435.I’m down 2. Not good.